Won’t move until ass is on fire

How many of you all feel that being punctual is too laborious & hence, end up reaching late confidently for most events or meet-ups ?

If you are one of those, then welcome to the amazing “WON’T-MOVE-UNTIL-ASS-IS-ON-FIRE” world!

Don’t worry, here in this world, we have deep-rooted respect for you, because not everyone can master the art of being impunctual!

As your bosses do, we won’t look at you & then at the watch & leave you with an awkward smile when you arrive late at work;

or as your friends do, we won’t curse you when you inform us that you’ll reach in 5 minutes, but end-up reaching in 20;

or as your cousins do, we won’t instruct you to reach 1 hour before the intended time of meet, knowing your ever-so-constant habit of missing the boat!

We get you, bruh!

We are a community which believes that reaching a minimum 15 minutes late is our best at being punctual! We are brave people who can combat the eye rolls & the scuttlebutts all the time; that’s not easy, isn’t it? We are those adrenaline junkies who feel our epinephrine ooze out in the last-minute sprint!

Even though these thrilling experiences ignite the fire within us & piss the people around us, how do we land up in such situations always?

Number 1: Multitasking
While multitasking is a good habit, we visibly forget that it can’t be done as per our convenience. We often wrongly presume that we have super-powers which would aid in getting many tasks done simultaneously, without tracking time obviously; thus we end up reaching late everywhere.

Number 2: Poor Planning
We usually underestimate the time required for completing tasks at hand & hence fail by miserably negative margins. Instead of considering the average time required to do a task, we consider the least possible required time & end up wrecking the schedule.
And how can we forget the Murphy’s law?

Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. – Murphy’s Law

It is almost always at such times that mishaps take place – a near train miss, taxi strike, tyre puncture, shoe breakdown, etc. – making life more miserable than it already is.

Number 3: Personality Type
Everyone knows that the difference between type A & type B personalities is like that between day & night! While the overachievers/competitive/impatient belong to type A, the creative/more pragmatic/relaxed belong to type B.

A research* states that while the As perceive a minute to be composed of 58 seconds, the Bs interpret it as 77 seconds! So why blame ourselves? It’s in our blood you see.

Number 4: Being a Stubborn Perfectionist
Completing all the pre-planned activities, with precision & integrity, before reaching office/party/meet-up is always on our minds. And for that, we often have to sacrifice others’ & our time!

Also, we oft think – why waste time by reaching 10 minutes before the scheduled time? We might as well use that time efficiently to do something productive!

Number 5: Parkinson’s Law

Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. – Parkinson’s Law

Moment of inertia is directly proportional to time availability. Initial 80% of the time is typically wasted in planning, day-dreaming, taking time for granted & lazying around. Then slowly, as inertia withers away and things start moving, we realise that we have very less time and huge pile of pending work. And thus, 80% of the work is ultimately completed in the last 20% of available time, when our ass is actually on fire. 

Though we may or may not have scientifically proven reasons for this wont-move-until-ass-is-on-fire attitude, there’s always a room for improvement. 

Why be criticised for something which we can change with practice?

Start with reducing 5 mins delay at a time, until you zero it down totally. I’ve been doing the same & surprisingly, I feel good & proud of myself for being able to do so!

Its good to be selfless at times & make the people around us happy.

Wish you luck, peeps!

*Research led by psychologist Jeff Conte at San Diego State University